ButcherNET® - The classiest cheap and nasty student website out there

There are only a privileged few lucky enough to hear a Butcherism®-hand. Welcome to ButcherNET®, repository of the largest collection of Butcherisms® on the planet. Here, we have collected the finest words of wisdom for your viewing pleasure. Read on, and feel part of the class.
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Latest News

Wednesday April 26^th
Well second term has finally commenced and tomorrow we will receive what we have been dreading throughout the two week break - the results from our first Specialist SAT. I'm sure Mr Butcher won't even hesitate in telling us exactly what he thinks of our performance.

Tuesday February 23^th
I'm sure all of us who have been taught by Mr Butcher, have experienced his bad temper at one time or another. However, for those of you who haven't, here's a taste of what we think Mr Butcher is like in a typical Information Systems class, (and even if you have seen Mr Butcher angry you should still check this out):

ButcherNET® is proud to present "Our impersonation of Mr Butcher." Download it now. (Unfortunately this file won't play on Windows Media Player, so here's a link where you can download a more powerful media player, RealPlayer 7 Basic (RealPlayer's free version), which I strongly recommended you have anyway.)

Wednesday February 16^th
Today the Specialist Maths class of 2000 had their Trigonometry diagnostic tests handed back. Despite giving it our best effort, this wasn't good enough according to Mr Butcher and he bluntly told us so. Looking at the positive side of today's lesson, we were privileged enough to be taught the Butcher method of learning mathematics. Read on, and you will find maths as easy to learn as 1, 2, 3.

Tuesday February 8^th
Well school's started again and the Butcherisms are already flowing like 'verbal diarrohea,' as Mr Butcher himself, would like to put it. With the new VCE system being introduced, Mr Butcher has been forced to slightly alter his style of teaching, however, this has in no way prevented him from gracing us with his words of wisdom.

Thursday December 30^th
A belated Merry Christmas and a premature Happy New Year to everyone. Congratulations to my updated list of ENTER gurus, although I suppose that's a little out of date by now...
Anyway, a round of applause for Michael Choi, Daniel Petrie, John Rizzo, Camden Lo, Steve Pascoe, and Siddarth Ravinutala on a fine effort.
Enjoy your holidays - next update I may introduce the new webmaster of ButcherNET® 2000.

D-Day: Friday December 10^th
A big round of applause for everyone on a decent year's work. It's only 8:30 am and we've already racked up three (make that six) >99 scores that I know of, so keep the good news rolling on in.

Monday December 6^th
I know I've been promising it so here it is:

ButcherNET® is proud to present a piece of work by David Kondys : The definitive Butcher.MP3. Download it now. (In case you don't know what to do with an MP3 file, here's a link to WinAMP.)

It's a little hard to understand at first but it does clear up as you go on, so stick with it. I'd love some feedback BTW.
A big thanks to Dave for his efforts here. You all enjoy it now.

Tuesday November 30^th
This update is a little Lazarus-like. After a riotous week in Surfers' Paradise, Team ButcherNET® is glad to report that despite our apartment's 20% hospitalization rate we are all in good spirits. We sure deserved it though. A big hello to all the Specialist vagrants spotted up North.

A few more guest quotes proudly provided by Dominic Yap of Kenny 2:

"You can lead a horse to water but you just can make it drink it."

Now according to the (Adrian) Chan thesis, we will see the world centre around the plus and minus signs.

That is really pathetic boys, that's right boys: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

Miiiiiisssssster... (Stands there, thinks about Kieran Power's name then walks off).

Alright Yappy, keep on yapping away...

So you're the Infamous Yap's little brother? (Dominic notes: I'm not but he calls me his little brother no matter what.)

There are no striaght lines in space, and if there are you're mistaken.

(Therefore) if you look far enough into space, you'll be able to see your self. Popular to contary belief, there are no giant mirrors there Mr.Yap.

Alright Yappy, have it your way, you're the one failing the exam.

I (pause) am writting a book on mathematical Modelling.

So Yappy, you finally achieved a 60, well done.

Keep your ears open and watch this space - coming soon, one and a half minutes of Butcher MP3 madness...

Thursday November 4^th
Well well well, no more Specialist - ever! Except for all of us poor fools studying anything vaguely mathematical next year. I'm sure we've all been stood in good stead for whatever happens, thanks in no small part to the efforts of J D Butcher.

In other news, I hope your horse finished a little earlier in the Cup then Camden Lo managed for the Methods CAT2 'exam' (stolen from ArsTechnica - if you don't know what FSB stands for don't go there).

The passing of Specialist CATs 2 and 3 means that the final siren has pretty much sounded for ButcherNET® - at least for 1999. If anyone out there would like to keep the site running next year, I'd be glad to give you all the info - otherwise I'll be shifting to Chris Del Monaco's DelMonaco.Com to use it as an experiment in active HTML pages...

It's been a great year for all of us here, so thankyou to all of you (no really, our hit rate has doubled in the last week!). As a special treat I've rounded up a mix of Specialist and Info Systems quotes from the dying days of '99 - enjoy them while you still can, and think of us...

In the words of the great man himself: "thankyou, farewell, and goodbye."

Monday October 18^th
Two days and I believe only three Specialist Periods to go. We're still going to be around, however - those of you who read it will spot ButcherNET®'s feature on the St Kevin's student newspaper, the Kevinian.
Another guest quote, again from Info Systems and again featuring Chris Del Monaco:

"Chris, you are not funny. Even Jacob is only laughing out of sympathy."

And please, note the new logo. Thanks Phi...

Wednesday October 14^th
With only a few more days of school to go, the quotes are spewing forth as if they're going out of fashion...which, on Wednesday October 20, they will...
Grab the latest installment here.

Today is the debut of our first 1 on 1 session. Here, Mr Butcher takes on one of his more hapless students in a vicious verbal fight to the death... Catch the action here.

Thursday October 7^th
Two awards today. Well, the first isn't really an award, but a pat on the back to Dan Petrie for his rather above-average efforts recently. We won't embarrass him by publishing the details of his almost perfect score in the Specialist Analysis trial and his Victorian top 1% ranking in the Australian Mathematics Competition, so you'll have to find the details out for yourself...

Our first Softness Beyond Belief Award has been won by Huy-Hoang Nguyen. Read all of the details here.

And yes, the latest Specialist quotes are available...

Wednesday September 22^nd
Ah-hah! My scanner needs to be plugged in to work. Now that that's out of the way, we should have a new logo in a fairly short amount of time. If you can't wait until then, check out the older Specialist Maths quotes. There are plenty of undiscovered gems in there, and if you haven't been around here for long you may find it instructive to peer into the depths of ButcherNET®...

Tuesday September 21^st
School holidays at the moment, so the fountain of quotable quotes temporarily has a stopper in it. However, your webmaster has at last realised how to do Blockquotes, so expect to see them popping up everywhere from now on.
Today we welcome our first guest quotes, recorded faithfully by Chris Del Monaco of the infamous 1999 Info Systems class...

You guys are descendents of the apes.

Do you speak to TVs? I have a bad habit of doing it...

Do you know who will be correcting the Systems CATs? Computer jocks! J-O-C-K-S.

...and the biggest cliche of them all... Righto gents...log out!

Thanks Chris, and to those of you who don't know about www.delmonaco.com, check out our links page.

Saturday September 19^th
Just a quickie, but a big thankyou to our artist-in-part-time-residence Phi Bui for that amazingly-lifelike sketch. Phi's ButcherNET® logo will be up as soon as I work out what's wrong with my scanner...

Friday September 10^th
Another week, another practise CAT2. Looks like Mr Butcher is not impressed - we are "slow, fat and lazy." Apparently, "they'll eat us up. And find us delicious."
We're not exactly sure who they are, but I guess if you go to Scotch, Melbourne Grammer or Bialik you could just have achieved a modicum of celebrity status...

Friday September 3^rd
A turbulent week indeed these last few days have been. With ButcherNET® identity Nick "Too weak to work" Lawrence being acquainted with the corridor more than once, and Joey "Bed of Sloth" Bourke completing a work requirement before someone else, things are not as they should be.

To cap it all off, one need only look at the results of our first practise CAT2 and weep. Although it wasn't that bad - apparently some people did pass...